Imagine posting a picture of your child and having the world tell you “That’s private. You shouldn’t be sharing that!”
Imagine giving birth to a child and having the world tell you “Ew, no one wants to see that!”
Imagine grieving the loss of a loved one and the world telling you “You don’t need to talk about it so much. This isn’t newsworthy.”
Imagine being so open and honest and raw all the time, but when it’s about something real, something matters, the world tells you to “Shut up and stay in your lane.”
Imagine knowing the pictures you take in that moment are the only ones you will ever take in your entire lifetime and the world telling you “That’s morbid, I don’t want to see that.”
For some of us, we don’t get a lifetime of memories. We get pictures and things from a moment, that must last us a lifetime. When Stella & Joy were stillborn, I was one of the lucky ones. Yes, I said lucky. I was able to spend 3 days in the hospital with them. I had family and friends who came to visit and spent hours with us, holding my daughters, trying to make a lifetime of memories in a matter of days. Not everyone gets that. Not everyone gets time. Now, with Coronavirus, not everyone gets visitors either. Imagine being the only one who can meet and hold your child, EVER. Knowing the only way they will be remembered is through the pictures you take and the things you save.
The only way I can ever share or introduce my daughters is through pictures and things. Fortunately I have many pictures, but there are so many I don’t have and will never have. I don’t have pictures of them each month so I can compare how much they’ve grown. I don’t have pictures of if they have brown eyes like me or blue like Zach. I don’t have pictures of their first step or first birthday. I will never have pictures of their first day of school or their first time on the bus. I will never have pictures of their first school dance. I will never have pictures of their graduation. I will never have pictures of their weddings. I will never have pictures of them with their own children.
The pictures and things I do have are precious. I at least have some pictures. I have the blankets they were wrapped and held in while we had them with us. I have the two outfits they wore. I have their ashes in tiny little urns. But that’s it. A few pictures and things. Not a lifetime of memories, but a lifetime of wondering what could have been.
So before you judge a person on how they grieve, what they post, what they share, think about the fact that that may be all they have. Pictures of things. Before you speak ill of a person experiencing the greatest tragedy of their lives, imagine yourself in their shoes, and when you can’t image it, be thankful that you have no idea what it’s like.
1 in 4. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss. 1 in 4 pregnancies have no happy ending. You know someone who has been there. You probably know more than one. And they are paying attention to how you speak and react when others go through loss. They remember. They know who the “safe people” are to talk to, and who just won’t understand or even try
So if you are a “sharer,” share on! Take and post the pictures! Tell the stories! Let us in on all the craziness that is your life! I for one am here to listen!
If you are a private person, do you! Take the picture and share with who you want! Don’t tell us anything! Live your life in peace! I support your choice!
But no matter what kind of person you are, be kind. I can’t say it enough. Be kind to one another. Be gentle. Be aware. You don’t know who’s been through what. So be kind, be gentle, be aware. Spread love and take care of each other.
Love always to my beautiful baby girls, Stella & Joy 💕